So, we have several vending machines in the scary break room at work, but I tend to patronize just one of these friendly robots – the analog gumball-style robot that dispenses Peanut M&Ms, Hot Tamales and cashews in $.25 portions. Well, specifically the Peanut M&M part.
This particular machine gives you a “handful” for a quarter, which I enjoy counting and then using as a rating scale for the day. Like instead of a “5-star day”, it’s a “10 M&M day.” Once, I got eleven. Frequently, you get nine, and sometimes even eight, which feels like a ripoff when you know you could have just as easily gotten ten. Also, ten is what the M&Ms people define as A Serving and 100 calories, so it’s a convenient way to get A Serving at a time. It’s also fun because you have to get up way more times to go get candy by the handful, which is healthy. If I’m going to eat a bunch of candy, at least I’m decreasing my chance of dying from the diseases you get when you sit all day without moving.
HOWEVER. Lately, it’s been giving eight almost all of the time. Sometimes nine, but I never get ten anymore! It’s like someone came and made the little cup smaller so when you turn it there’s no longer enough room for ten M&Ms to fit. It’s really fucked up my workday rating process and I blame my extreme unhappiness at my job on this issue. (LOL.) I mean, most days are an “8 M&M day” and that is like saying most days are a D. The only thing worse is when I run out of quarters and get no M&Ms at all, which is obviously an F. Or when I sometimes drop some, because there is no eating off of these floors. I realize the cost of food is increasing but who you we kidding, M&M-Mars. I know you guys are rich bastards and also, M&Ms are not even really food. (For some reason, my brain thinks that M&M and Mars are the same company; that may or may not actually be true, but I stand by the rich bastards accusation.)
Because of this, I’m thinking of leaving a note on the machine for the refilling person.
Dear M&Ms person,
While I very much appreciate the fact that you continue to stock the Peanut M&Ms, I’ve grown dissatisfied with the service of this machine. It used to give me 10 M&Ms a lot of the time and now it doesn’t ever give me that many, and so now almost all my days at my job suck.
Also, 10 Peanut M&Ms is the official A Serving according to the manufacturer, so now how am I supposed to keep track of how many Servings I’ve had? If I’m going to feel guilty about eating 4 Servings/400 calories of candy, I had better goddamned well have gotten each and every last one of those calories.
I appreciate your attention regarding this matter.
Thanks,
Hannah
What a stupidly long blog about 25 cents of candy.
5 months ago
